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delicatesse(it's november 15th when i write this, fyi. just word vomiting about my writing process because i Need to let those thoughts out to process my own feelings about this, carry on. hopefully this fic will see the light of day otherwise that's just embarrassing <3)
it's october 2023 and i'm, against all expectations/hopes/everything in the world, getting back into kpop which means inevitably getting back into rpf. thinking about it, i haven't read or written rpf in a while: last was probably the untamed cast rpf ca. 2021, where it was mostly reading and publishing one (1) fic that i then orphaned and abandoning countless wips, as per the course. and before that? well, bangtan. 2016-2020, gone but never forgotten, the heights (and lows) of my kpop stanning and kpop fic writing (being a one-trick pony and mostly writing for fic events because i needed a deadline to finish anything back then).
so. anyway. it's october 2023, i fall headfirst, heartfirst into seventeen - boys i'm familiar with because S made me watch ofd castaway back in january 2017 (i vividly remember going back home from my first actual adult full-time job post graduation to watch it <3) and because i very casually listen to their title tracks.
i latch onto jeon wonwoo, hyper project onto him, as one does, and then, maybe because i'm turning 30 in a few months, maybe because i always get over-ambitious about fic projects when i first get into a new fandom (which is counterintuitive as fuck because at that point, i always lack the Lore and characterization sharpness and everything else to really deliver on any of it), i think about writing a very introspective, very personal, very let's-draw-from-my-life-and-my-feelings wonwoo-centered soonwoo fic.
the idea, or the themes, rather, that i've always yearned to write about and really deliver (up to my own unrealistic expectations) are: growing up, the tilt into full "real" adulthood and the loss of youth or part of, love and loving yourself and others and changing your definitions of love, romantic relationships or lack thereof, romantic inexperience, anxiety(tm) and probably a lot more. it's about growing up, and learning about yourself, becoming more attuned with your body and mind, and how, sometimes, the right context or the right person, or both, can send all that flying and have you wondering who you are, really.
... does this sound extremely vague? it does to me lmfao. hopefully writing this fic i can put this in words better UH!!!!
anyway, i had a similar idea back in late 2020/early 2021 probably of a wangxian fic with international student in the us lwj, because i never really digested my own international student in the us experience and i was like "oh perfect, let's torture lwj with my woes". it went something like this, and i'm still sad i never wrote it (if only for my own catharsis):
maybe a better summary for this fic and for the soonwoo one is soft depressed hours: [OPEN] (but there is hope) (trust me) (love is real) (?)
but back to soonwoo. my vague initial notes (because i am REALLY trying not to write myself into a hell corner when i overplan and overplot and over take notes and then don't write anything - i do better when i'm coasting on pure vibes, vague outlines, the characters leading me wherever the fuck they want, a few scene ideas in my mind, a few themes, the end) go something like this:
and then on a 6am cab ride to the airport i wrote this (unedited) paragraph that was like, my wonwoo thesis for this fic:
it's october 2023 and i'm, against all expectations/hopes/everything in the world, getting back into kpop which means inevitably getting back into rpf. thinking about it, i haven't read or written rpf in a while: last was probably the untamed cast rpf ca. 2021, where it was mostly reading and publishing one (1) fic that i then orphaned and abandoning countless wips, as per the course. and before that? well, bangtan. 2016-2020, gone but never forgotten, the heights (and lows) of my kpop stanning and kpop fic writing (being a one-trick pony and mostly writing for fic events because i needed a deadline to finish anything back then).
so. anyway. it's october 2023, i fall headfirst, heartfirst into seventeen - boys i'm familiar with because S made me watch ofd castaway back in january 2017 (i vividly remember going back home from my first actual adult full-time job post graduation to watch it <3) and because i very casually listen to their title tracks.
i latch onto jeon wonwoo, hyper project onto him, as one does, and then, maybe because i'm turning 30 in a few months, maybe because i always get over-ambitious about fic projects when i first get into a new fandom (which is counterintuitive as fuck because at that point, i always lack the Lore and characterization sharpness and everything else to really deliver on any of it), i think about writing a very introspective, very personal, very let's-draw-from-my-life-and-my-feelings wonwoo-centered soonwoo fic.
the idea, or the themes, rather, that i've always yearned to write about and really deliver (up to my own unrealistic expectations) are: growing up, the tilt into full "real" adulthood and the loss of youth or part of, love and loving yourself and others and changing your definitions of love, romantic relationships or lack thereof, romantic inexperience, anxiety(tm) and probably a lot more. it's about growing up, and learning about yourself, becoming more attuned with your body and mind, and how, sometimes, the right context or the right person, or both, can send all that flying and have you wondering who you are, really.
... does this sound extremely vague? it does to me lmfao. hopefully writing this fic i can put this in words better UH!!!!
anyway, i had a similar idea back in late 2020/early 2021 probably of a wangxian fic with international student in the us lwj, because i never really digested my own international student in the us experience and i was like "oh perfect, let's torture lwj with my woes". it went something like this, and i'm still sad i never wrote it (if only for my own catharsis):
maybe a better summary for this fic and for the soonwoo one is soft depressed hours: [OPEN] (but there is hope) (trust me) (love is real) (?)
but back to soonwoo. my vague initial notes (because i am REALLY trying not to write myself into a hell corner when i overplan and overplot and over take notes and then don't write anything - i do better when i'm coasting on pure vibes, vague outlines, the characters leading me wherever the fuck they want, a few scene ideas in my mind, a few themes, the end) go something like this:
- gay nerd jww afraid to make an ACTUAL move but WILL try
- and gay sunshine but also afraid to make a move and WON'T try will just be… very friendly and hope it comes across as romantic intentions ksy
- this is just… office romance x first time in love x late bloomer
- wonwoo has never been in a relationship before
- scared to let someone in, ive been on my own for so long, appreciate my own company, etc
- don't want to disturb my own peace etc
and then on a 6am cab ride to the airport i wrote this (unedited) paragraph that was like, my wonwoo thesis for this fic:
wonwoo loved, not easily, but he loved, strongly and defiantly and sometimes maybe he fell in love with his friends, the few he had, the few he'd defend to hell and back. burn brightly for. but he wondered still, what *real* love would be like, non platonic love, someone waiting up for him, someone waking up with him, another presence in his life -not his other half bc wonwoo felt whole, didn't want to split himself in half and replace that missing part with someone else - another being sharing it, sharing their lives, too. it felt like a fever dream most days. out of reach, an unhinged thought.
which. okay. i was going through it in that cab ride my god?????
but anyway. astral projecting onto jeon wonwoo, sorry xoxo
but anyway. astral projecting onto jeon wonwoo, sorry xoxo
